"Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God "
(Still --- Hillsong United)
Do you feel so busy that you do not have time for God? Do you feel left alone that you feel hopeless and God is just silent?
This situation happened to me.
One day, I was feeling very lonely and tired. So these thoughts occurred to me: Where are my friends? I do not want to be alone. Please help me anybody! God please help!
But nobody answered, neither God.
So there was I feeling lonely, so gloomy and sad. I tried to contact all my friends, but they were all busy with their own schedules. So there was I, still left alone.
Sigh... What do you want God? Why is this all happening to me?
No answer. Urgh... So there was I, alone.
...
Or was I???
Now that I am reflecting about it, it was very foolish of me to think and act that way. God promises that He would not leave us alone, so who was I to doubt Him? Was it God who left me, or was it I who did not notice His presence and put all the blame to Him?
"Be still, and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
The Outcome of Waiting
All my life waiting has been one action that I'm struggling with. Waiting for a person who comes late is what I despise the most. Waiting for a decision always leaves me grumpy. I was never a patient person but apparently God is molding me to be more patient like He is. This year I experienced so many events that required me to wait including the process of finding a summer internship. The process was not easy for me. I applied at 5-6 companies in Indo and in the States. Usually it takes less than a week to get a reply from the recruiter especially in Indo because I have some "network" inside. This time, though, it was mentally challenging. No e-mails, no calls, nothing. There were times that I questioned God again and again why. I was even shocked and frustrated when my friend got an internship in less than a month. The process was so smooth for her, but not for me. Everybody remained silent, so did God. There were encouragements from my sisters but this heavy feeling did not go.
One month before I went back to Indo, I received news from my mom stating that my father had prostate cancer. Wait a minute. Did I hear wrong? My father was one of the healthiest men that I know. Was my mom kidding or was the result wrong? Nope, everything was like what she said. So, my parents went to Singapore for consultation to several doctors. Some suggested robotic surgery, some suggested radiation. Funny my mom asked me which doctor we should have further contact with. She offered me three names and asked me to look them up in the Web. Half-heartedly, I saw their pictures and found an article by one of the doctors. The findings helped me decide on a doctor in NUH. I did not push them to choose this doctor, I just felt that he was reliable. Funny that they chose him in the end.
So after some consultations and medical investigations, it turned out the prostate cancer was on level 7/10. So when I came back to Indo, I stopped looking for internship and I accompanied my parents to Singapore for further action. The best thing to do according to the doctor was radical surgery because he was not sure whether the prostate had spread or not. We agreed on the surgery and he was scheduled to have the surgery on July 16th because there would be a visiting professor coming as well.
Two weeks before the surgery, came a phone call from the hospital saying that the visiting professor would not be able to have the surgery on the 16th, so we had to delay it to the 18th. This decision was hard because we did not want to change the date since we had bought tickets. I convinced them that my father's best condition was much more important than the tickets.
We prepared ourselves to be in Singapore for more than 2 weeks for the surgery+recovery but thanks be to God that the surgery + recovery time was faster than we predicted. It was funny when the doctor came after the surgery and explained to us that he had been ill for the past week and he just recovered.
Looking at this experience, I feel that God is in action. It's better that I do not have internship so I can be with my parents. It's better to have the surgery that month because the visiting professor comes. It's better that the surgery was on the 18th because then the doctor would not be sick. As you can see, God demands us to wait faithfully. I wanted my plan to work but His plan has always been better. We often push our ways to get what we want but God has a Master plan for our life. So when you strive too hard and become tired, it is not because God has abandoned you. It is because you do not want to wait when God tells you to wait.
Now my father is still recovering with catheter inside the body. The balloon is stuck inside the bladder and it cannot be pulled out or in at all. I believe God allows this to happen for a good reason. I am not going to frustrate myself with what I should do, rather I will use my energy for waiting and praying. I have faith that God will use this problem for His Glory only. =)
One month before I went back to Indo, I received news from my mom stating that my father had prostate cancer. Wait a minute. Did I hear wrong? My father was one of the healthiest men that I know. Was my mom kidding or was the result wrong? Nope, everything was like what she said. So, my parents went to Singapore for consultation to several doctors. Some suggested robotic surgery, some suggested radiation. Funny my mom asked me which doctor we should have further contact with. She offered me three names and asked me to look them up in the Web. Half-heartedly, I saw their pictures and found an article by one of the doctors. The findings helped me decide on a doctor in NUH. I did not push them to choose this doctor, I just felt that he was reliable. Funny that they chose him in the end.
So after some consultations and medical investigations, it turned out the prostate cancer was on level 7/10. So when I came back to Indo, I stopped looking for internship and I accompanied my parents to Singapore for further action. The best thing to do according to the doctor was radical surgery because he was not sure whether the prostate had spread or not. We agreed on the surgery and he was scheduled to have the surgery on July 16th because there would be a visiting professor coming as well.
Two weeks before the surgery, came a phone call from the hospital saying that the visiting professor would not be able to have the surgery on the 16th, so we had to delay it to the 18th. This decision was hard because we did not want to change the date since we had bought tickets. I convinced them that my father's best condition was much more important than the tickets.
We prepared ourselves to be in Singapore for more than 2 weeks for the surgery+recovery but thanks be to God that the surgery + recovery time was faster than we predicted. It was funny when the doctor came after the surgery and explained to us that he had been ill for the past week and he just recovered.
Looking at this experience, I feel that God is in action. It's better that I do not have internship so I can be with my parents. It's better to have the surgery that month because the visiting professor comes. It's better that the surgery was on the 18th because then the doctor would not be sick. As you can see, God demands us to wait faithfully. I wanted my plan to work but His plan has always been better. We often push our ways to get what we want but God has a Master plan for our life. So when you strive too hard and become tired, it is not because God has abandoned you. It is because you do not want to wait when God tells you to wait.
Now my father is still recovering with catheter inside the body. The balloon is stuck inside the bladder and it cannot be pulled out or in at all. I believe God allows this to happen for a good reason. I am not going to frustrate myself with what I should do, rather I will use my energy for waiting and praying. I have faith that God will use this problem for His Glory only. =)
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Bintang Berkilau
Di saat Bumi terasa hampa
Semua hitam dan putih
Mentari tenggelam
Ombak terdiam
Ke mana langkahku menuju?
Tawa di sekitarku hambar
Tangisan pun hanyalah palsu
Dalam hati mereka tiada aku
Pikiran melayang tak menentu
Siapa dengarlah aku!
Ku menengadah dan tersadar
Ia selalu menggenggamku
Bawalah ku kembali menuju relung hatiMu
Sadarkanlah ku akan cintaMu yang tak terbatas
Hanyalah Kau yang dapat kupercaya
Ubahlah diriku yang hina dan tak pantas
Menjadi bintang berkilau bagiMu
-N-
Semua hitam dan putih
Mentari tenggelam
Ombak terdiam
Ke mana langkahku menuju?
Tawa di sekitarku hambar
Tangisan pun hanyalah palsu
Dalam hati mereka tiada aku
Pikiran melayang tak menentu
Siapa dengarlah aku!
Ku menengadah dan tersadar
Ia selalu menggenggamku
Bawalah ku kembali menuju relung hatiMu
Sadarkanlah ku akan cintaMu yang tak terbatas
Hanyalah Kau yang dapat kupercaya
Ubahlah diriku yang hina dan tak pantas
Menjadi bintang berkilau bagiMu
-N-
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Harmony
Let's talk harmony.
According to Cambridge Dictionary, the definition of harmony is a pleasant musical sound made by different notes being played or sung at the same time. Another way to define harmony: different tones that can make a pleasant sound at the same time.
What about it? You can say, I don't play music so why should I care about harmony?
As human beings, we tend to listen to and process things (statements, beliefs, actions, or whatsoever) that conform our own. We don't like anything that confront our culture. As a result, we are most likely to block our mind from external sources that might actually help us grow. Difference / change doesn't always result in bad for us. It might actually be like harmony, where it could make a pleasant sound.
Gal 3:28 says "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
But again, the condition when accepting differences is when we are all one in Jesus Christ. We have no association with the "world". 2 Corinthians 6:14 says "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?". We don't accept differences if it contradicts the Word of God.
According to Cambridge Dictionary, the definition of harmony is a pleasant musical sound made by different notes being played or sung at the same time. Another way to define harmony: different tones that can make a pleasant sound at the same time.
What about it? You can say, I don't play music so why should I care about harmony?
As human beings, we tend to listen to and process things (statements, beliefs, actions, or whatsoever) that conform our own. We don't like anything that confront our culture. As a result, we are most likely to block our mind from external sources that might actually help us grow. Difference / change doesn't always result in bad for us. It might actually be like harmony, where it could make a pleasant sound.
Gal 3:28 says "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
But again, the condition when accepting differences is when we are all one in Jesus Christ. We have no association with the "world". 2 Corinthians 6:14 says "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?". We don't accept differences if it contradicts the Word of God.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Trials
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance" (James 1:2-3)Joy whenever we face trials? What is James talking about? How come someone rejoices when obstacles are before them?
At least those were what my human mind questioned when I saw this passage. But if I think about it again now, somehow it makes sense. The pastor said that trials we face will shape us. Yes, it's true. When I think about how the obstacles I faced have helped me grow to become who I am now, there is nothing more I can do besides being thankful for those trials.
As an overseas student, there were many difficulties I faced. From adapting to new environment to moving to another environment when you have felt settled, these experiences were not easy ones. Having to survive alone in a foreign country, adapting to new schools and classes, and many more real life experiences really taught me how God is grace and love. Besides, if these challenges had not come to me, would I still be able to persevere greater things and be entrusted with much?
It's like comparing a child who grows up being protected in every single thing he does and never been hurt versus a child who falls so many times and hurt his body. I will let you decide which child will grow up stronger and which one will be weaker. The same thing applies to trials. We are to be stronger in God every time we persevere through our trials and put our faith in Him, just like Job was.
Realizing how trials are for our own good, isn't it better for us to rejoice in each challenge?
At least those were what my human mind questioned when I saw this passage. But if I think about it again now, somehow it makes sense. The pastor said that trials we face will shape us. Yes, it's true. When I think about how the obstacles I faced have helped me grow to become who I am now, there is nothing more I can do besides being thankful for those trials.
As an overseas student, there were many difficulties I faced. From adapting to new environment to moving to another environment when you have felt settled, these experiences were not easy ones. Having to survive alone in a foreign country, adapting to new schools and classes, and many more real life experiences really taught me how God is grace and love. Besides, if these challenges had not come to me, would I still be able to persevere greater things and be entrusted with much?
It's like comparing a child who grows up being protected in every single thing he does and never been hurt versus a child who falls so many times and hurt his body. I will let you decide which child will grow up stronger and which one will be weaker. The same thing applies to trials. We are to be stronger in God every time we persevere through our trials and put our faith in Him, just like Job was.
Realizing how trials are for our own good, isn't it better for us to rejoice in each challenge?
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