The World is Sinking

To find packed stories of negativity in a world that judges people for being negative.

To find diminished values in a person who loves to boast about positive values.

Isn't it an irony?

The world's sinking deep and deeper, no matter how strong people try to hold up.

I've Lived Long Enough

I've lived long enough
To understand the melody of cuckoo's gratitude
To witness the warmth of cloud's magnitude

I've lived long enough
To realize the tearful howls of wolves apart
To embrace the broken shreds of heart

I've lived long enough
Just enough
.
.
.
To know my heartbreak is one step away.

Who?

Nothing.

No one.

None.

I should just go back to where I used to be.

Farewell.

A Thought for Myself

I've been going quite a weird experience this week. I never consider myself a "feeling" type of girl, thus having people come to me and share their inner struggle was alien for me. And this week, I've encountered 2 stories at least -- stories I've never really experienced myself and I have no clue of what to say. I can't sugarcoat things, nor can I be sure of my solutions. I don't even trust myself that I could be one sort of help to these people, or lessen their difficulties at the least. But, funny is they keep coming back to me. Still can't figure out why or what to do. Lord, help me.

Power Bank

I am living behind the scene, as the person available to those who need it.
Being an invisible support system is apparently not glamorous, exhausting, yet useful.
Just like a power bank.

When a Sin is Not a Sin

Sin: an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law.

We live in a world full of laws and rules that the very definition of sin has changed into:

Sin: an immoral act considered to be a transgression against ANY law, even human law.



Law: a system of rules and guidelines which are enforced through social institutions to govern behaviour.

Law is created to protect the rights of the members of a society and to ensure that they do not have to protect those rights through their own actions. 

When the law is harmful to the rights of the members, does such law still need to be enforced? Does the deviation of such law equal to sin? 

Sinking Deeper and Deeper

If only I could sink so deep, far from everything; not appearing on the surface...

What I Write Might Not Be What I Feel Nor It Is What I Think

What would you do when people hurt you? Your pride, your existence, your being. The easiest way is to fight back, to show them what you're really made of.

How does that sound, though? Doesn't it only make you someone who also hurts other's pride, other's existence, other's being? It doesn't make you better than them, it only makes you the same.

"But they're the ones who started it," you said. Yes, that might be true, still it's not right to take on revenge. If that happens, wouldn't they seek revenge to you too?

Remember the person who didn't fight back? Who let them kill him? Yes, the name was Jesus. Despite of anything, He remained silent. And silence too, is power.

Thoughts, Just Thoughts

Siapa sih yang ga pernah ngalamin yang namanya kesusahan, struggle, atau apapun sebutannya. Satu keadaan dimana lu merasa ga bahagia, dan yang kepikiran tuh cuma tentang diri sendiri. I have to admit, orang itu egocentric, and dalam situasi begini, ke-ego (aku) an nya itu meningkat tajem bak roket meluncur. Segala sesuatu jadi tentang aku, aku, dan aku.

And I am, too, a person. A wretch, to be exact. My ego has consumed me dari napas pertama. Nangis, lapar, egois ga mikirin Mama Papa lagi tidur. Orang gampang aja bilang natur bayi namanya juga. Let me emphasize : NATUR. which means memang darisananya egois. Sifat dasar manusia. Sifat egois.

Dan keakuan gw ini makin parah waktu struggling. Most of the times gw struggling, selalu malapetaka. Tiba-tiba segala jadi salah, and everything's MY fault. MINE. Dan itu impactnya ke orang sekeliling gw. which is not good. Udah mah jadi self-loathing, ditambah lagi people might loathe me.

Dalam situasi-situasi kayak gini, ngeliat yang namanya kebaikan Tuhan itu ga gampang, cenderung super susah. Kayak ga ada yang bagus, gimana mau merasa Tuhan itu baik. I know kalo Tuhan pasti baik, dan we have to put our hope in Him. You know what? Easier said than done.

I'm not the most religious person out there, and my brain itu macem orang ateis kali. Disuruh berharap, bertahan karena semua baik, tapi I always doubt myself, apa bener iya? But I don't feel good, I can't see it, I can't understand, I can't say God is good.

Dan tiba-tiba gw tersadar lagi. See berapa banyak kata I yang gw pake? Those questions, semuanya lagi ngarahin ke "aku". Tuhan tuh cuma jadi objek doank buat kita. Sebenernya kita mah cuma peduli ama diri kita sendiri. Ga koq peduli sama Tuhan.

Si AKU itu tuh penyebab segala macem rupa. Pengen rasanya ga ngeliat ke AKU lagi. But how? #masihmencarijawaban

The Grand Design

Each of us is just a little piece of something bigger -- God's grand design.

Small we are, but it still leaves us a question: What kind of piece do you want to be in God's grand design?

We are all humans, messy ones at best. Fallen, yet proud. Sinful, yet judgmental. We deserve no love, yet here you are, Christians, receiving unchanging love from the perfect God -- Free, no pricetag attached.

And what do we do with such grace in our lives?

We abuse it, we disregard it, we wonder not over it.

We still sin, we still judge, we still fight over meticulous matters.

Why can't people see the bigger picture of their part as pieces in God's grand design?

Why can't people understand life's priorities to fulfill God's grand design?

Why are people so self-serving that they think God's grand design revolves around them?

Humble your heart.

We're not the center of the universe.

Jan 21, 2017.
With troubled mind and broken heart.